Gruesome image, yes? Have you ever found yourself saying “I’m prettier than her”, “She’s thinner than me”, “I like her car better than mine”? I have. This is the act of comparing yourself to another. This, as Iyanla Vanzant would say, is an act of violence against the self. That’s deep. Every time you compare yourself to someone, no matter what it is, you are committing an act of violence against yourself. Why is that?
I can go all Psychology 101 on you, but the simple answer is because you are telling yourself you are not enough. You are telling the Universe or God that you are not enough. Every time you do that you are ripping a hole in yourself, a void. Nature abhors a void, so it will fill that void with whatever it finds. Typically it is with things that don’t serve you.
Others have had similar things, but I resonated with the way Iyanla put it in context of why women compete against other women. Why instead of lifting each other up, some seek to tear each other down. No worries, I’ll discuss that further in the future. It becomes a cycle of “why does she and I don’t…”
Great news, there is a way out of this cycle. It isn’t an overly complicated formula or concept. Start with the understanding that no one can take away what is for you, what is for you is for you. The Universe mandated it is for you. Change your perspective and your language by focusing on what you do want. It’s not that someone is skinnier than you, set your intention then mind your business. “I intend to lose 50 pounds by April 10, 2014 because I want to”. or “I intend to be able to afford and buy a BMW by November, 2014 because I like German engineering and I’m celebrating my promotion”. It has nothing to do with anyone else.
This however doesn’t mean you can’t admire and celebrate what others have, just don’t covet it. Sharon got another promotion and you’ve been passed over three times. Celebrate Sharon, set your own intention, but also look at your environment. Does where you work serve you? Are you putting yourself in position to be promoted? Is there a better opportunity you know nothing about headed your way? When you celebrate in others what you want for yourself, the Universe understands that as a request.
Stop hurting yourself. Change your perspective, your language, your intentions, and your actions right now. When you catch yourself comparing immediately shift your mind to your own success and set your intention to achieve more.
I’m just keeping it new.